tokimi: (teh hotness)
Probably shouldn't have waited a year to write. Not that I was waiting, per se, but the depression after the break up with Eric and subsequent whirlwind wooing by Chris was... um... a whirlwind.

So to jump to things, I've been seeing Chris for nearly a year, or a year, or something like that. He moved back up to Seattle in September, and we officially moved in together in February. Murphy and Adam both live with us, and terrorize or whore it up, according to their own natures. We're currently looking for a larger apartment, townhouse or house with or without a roommate, depending on what happens. I'm very happy with my life with Chris, overall, though we need to buckle down and start saving for the move. We do have the ballet, a symphony and PAX on the horizon, plus a trip back to New Hampshire in September for -his- friend's wedding, ironically enough.

I'm back in DBT and at the halfway mark now. We just started Distress Tolerance again, which is good. I think I'm excited about this module because I finally made a box out of a very bright gift box from Daiso. I've put the things that make me smile in there, and help to break moods and stuff. Olivia's kindergarten pic is one of them! But that's because I don't want my sister and brother in law to ever have to explain what happened to Auntie Margo. Therapy seems to be going well, I slipped off the bandwagon for a little bit, but seem to be back on it. Trying to learn to self discipline myself into being responsible, but it's kinda hard. And sometimes it really makes me feel like I'm the black sheep of the family. Mostly because my sisters are both successful in their chosen fields, and are working on or have received their masters. And I'm... in therapy, not working. Eeeeh... C'est la vie? I don't know.

I went to New Hampshire last December and saw a bunch of people for the first time since I graduated high school. I plan on packing as many people into the five day trip this fall as possible. We'll see how it goes. Lorelei's definitely on the list of people to see since I didn't get to see her last time I was there.

Chris wants me to read the Wheel of Time, and I'm stuck halfway through the first book. I said I would read the whole thing, but it's so slow, and slogging through it is painful. I'm trying, but I just don't think it's my thing? And it's not that I don't like fantasy or epic reads or whatever. I just don't know, but I feel as though I'm letting him down by not finishing the book. He says I like to cuddle it more than I like to actually read it. He could be right. I read it on the bus, mostly when I have nothing better to do.

I have things to do this weekend, it's amazing. I have to mail my copy of the Last Unicorn comic to Dawn to get signed by Peter Beagle, and go to Lush to buy a birthday present for one of our friends, Beth... well, and buy some stuff for me, mostly moisturizer. Like I need a reason to go to Lush! That's really Dawn's fault, since she introduced Lush to me before she moved.

Um, what else has happened? My sisters both moved. Mandy to New Mexico with her fiancee for school, and Cory, Tim and Olivia to New Hampshire to be closer to Tim's family. And prolly my dad and stepmom, too! Mandy and Russell will be visiting Seattle in July, yay, and I hope to see them at least once, if not more. Chris is nervous about meeting my younger sister and her fiancee, but he'll do fine! Or he better!

Lots of stuffs I want to do this year. PAX, the ballet, the symphony, NaNoWriMo, the Uproar Festival, meet Chris's family, graduate DBT... um... The year is half over, gotta hop to! Though, some of those events can't be rushed, or have certain dates. Most of those dates are unchangeable. Oh well.

Anyways, not a bad start to journaling again...
tokimi: (prayer)
What is there to report? Nothing much has gone on.

My birthday was last week. I got some books, some kitchen y stuff that were needed, like a microwave and electric kettle, and some flowers, all of which I'm exceedingly excited about. I spent the birthday money from my grandmother on some stuff from Lush, bar shampoo which is amazing and awesome. I shared the Lush-love with my sister for her birthday. I bought a copy of Fight Club, because it was severely lacking in my movie collection. My sister took me out to dinner the day after my birthday in a joint celebration with hers and my birthday. Amy took me out to dinner the night of my birthday and we came back with mochi ice cream to watch Idiocracy. I don't think Amy stopped laughing.

Right now, I'm chilling out, watching Gladiator, watching Joaquin Phoenix emo the fuck out to the emperor.

Murphy seems to be settling in well! He's been showing off his desire for popcorn and bell hats. He seems to be happy. Which is good, I think I'll start trying to handle him in May. That gives him a few weeks to get settled in and used to the routine and everythiing.

Things between Eric and I seem to be going well. He's planning on visiting in June. Which is exciting and scary at the same time, but I'm mostly excited about it. It's hard not to be, really. Scared because I'm so unsure about about myself after the whole mess with Adam, and sorta with Kyle, that sort of rejection kinda burns in someone's mind, so what can you do? We've had talks about it, but I'm not allowed to be too emo about it because that's just a fucking downer. I think I'm mostly scared because of the way I put on the extra weight in my depression and the medications and the like. Not that I've ever been super skinny or anything like that.

Ugh, I don't want to sit here and spend all this time on my stupid weight. I'm going to start walking, and start yoga, and try to eat better, since I'm seeing a nutritionist next week.

No matter how often I refer to Eric as Eric to all of my friends, he's still Krisael in my head, which makes it feel like it's another secret altogether. Apparently other people have this problem as well. I know Patrick does, having read the entry I saw recently by him. Funny how that works. It amuses me somewhat. All of my friends and family know him as Eric. But in my brain, he's still Kris. Oh well, either name works, I know who he is.

We talk about the future a lot. After DBT, what will happen, leaving Seattle, leaving Alaska, who goes where, or if we both leave our area. We talk about going up to Alaska to see the northern lights in the winter and whether or not my coat is good enough at it's -10 degrees rating and what not. It's exciting. And seems only the tiniest bit premature, but somehow right.

I'm happy.
tokimi: (bejeweled)
Dirty for being on Facebook! I KNOW! All mah fault. Feel free to add me, though.

So grandma's 90th birthday party was this weekend, and we went over, knowing that it could easily result in a load of drama and being paranoid for that drama to come. It wasn't so bad.

If anything, it was being way over prepared for the shoe that never dropped. My aunt, all of my uncles and a ton of the family I didn't know well enough to name or had seen in years anyhow were all there, as well as my grandmother, of course. My mom brought her new puppy, Maggie, who was freakin adorable and tiny. Olivia seemed to have a good time.

The only weird thing about it all was my mom bringing the old neighbour kid she tried to hook me up with when I was 17 and he was 14, and his girlfriend. Now this may not sound too weird, except for the fact that he was walking around, at a family event... with a freaking tazer that looked like a handgun on his hip. I... don't get it. Everyone there was dressed up nice in slacks, skirts, the works, and he comes in jeans and a T shirt saying something like "You look like I could use a drink".

Seemed a bit strange and disrespectful.

I found out that one of my uncles was seeing a psychologist, which is probably good for him. He said something about how his therapist told him that he had to go to the gym as a part of his job. From work to the gym and -then- he was allowed home. It stuck in my mind, and seems to be a good way to manage it, I think. I think that's what I'll have to do get myself into the gym on a regular basis as well.

Survived the weekend. I still fall asleep to Zamfir, master of the pan flute. Cory calls this a Pavlovian conditioning since my parents used to play Zamfir in the car when I was an infant. IT STILL WORKS. This shouldn't happen, but oh, it does. What can you do when it still works?

I spent both car rides to and from Leavenworth listening to the Shiny Toy Guns with little to no exception.

Wrote a short story recently. Need to be edited a bit because I ended up changing tenses half way through, as someone pointed out to me, but as soon as I do that, I'll probably post it on LJ. But it does need to be polished up a bit before it comes close to online publication. And it involves rape. Character's back story and all, and that leads to the rape. Of course, it'll be posted, but it won't be until after the second draft is done and a spell checker run through it. Such things are all that the perfectionist require in me.

Oh yeah, I got a little buzzed on strawberry champagne with my aunt last night. Whee. >_>
tokimi: (Default)
Yet another insomnia post of "I should be asleep". I should be! But I'm not, and let's look at how we got to this point. I blame Aion almost exclusively. Between Dark Poeta and the epic group ganking in the Abyss afterwards, it kept me up late.

But at least now I'm getting sleepy. Will have to set an alarm to wake up before noon. Having to be responsible and all that rot.

Grandmother's 90th birthday party is next weekend. That should be interesting with the extended family showing up by the droves, I'm sure. I'm preparing with Regan on how best to handle that the week prior. Putting in all those supports and the like so I have plans on what to do if the situation becomes too hectic. Which is good.
tokimi: (contemplation)
I moved. It went fine. Almost completely settled in save for reorganizing the bedroom, which is going to be a chore, since that's where I shoved everything that I wasn't using immediately. Whee. The bookshelves are all set up, but I'm not sure I like where they are, but what can you do? Limited space and all of that rot.

Adam is, of course, quite comfortable no matter where he is. He has his food dish that is still being periodically refilled and he has some pillows to fur and to chill out on. That makes for a happy cat, I've learned. His water fountain has been set up. Yes, my cat has a water fountain, to encourage him to drink more water. That's what his old vet recommended, and so I got to take his babbling brook from my sister's house. It's very nice to listen to though, now that it's in the front room. I might have to set up my other decorative fountain now.

Olivia continues to redistribute cat toys between her house and mine. Everytime she comes over, she brings a new toy over for him. What's really funny is watching her run around trying to get him to play with her. He tolerates it for a while, but then he's obviously Had Enough, and starts to ignore her. I told Cory that Olivia needs a dog that will actually play with her.

I think I've somehow lost my entire collection of lami posters. Not sure how this happened, or where the hell they have gone to. Which is disappointing. But then, I wonder... am I out of that phase where I decorate with anime posters everywhere? I still mean to frame my Aspen posters and hang those. Maybe my Sandman by Yoshitaka Amano poster. Hmm.

Anyhow. Thanksgiving was fine. Turkey was fabulous, and yes, I'm just that amazing at cooking that it came out wonderful. Had a lot of good food and the company was pretty good too, even if I had just met Mandy's two housemates. Not much else to say about that, really. Christmas is coming, shopping will be done on Thursday.

Tomorrow, I take my iPod into the Apple store to have it looked at.

Snip Snip

Sep. 16th, 2009 05:47 pm
tokimi: (shhh)
I was on the bus a few weeks ago, when this woman started to talk to me, because I had hair that was past my waist. She asked me if I was growing it out for any reason, and I just told her that no, I just keep it really long, and that it had been 6 years since I had last cut it. She said she was growing her hair out for Locks of Love, and that she was about to get ready to cut it. I explained that when I had cut off 18" a few years ago, it was too dyed to donate it.

It got me to thinking.

I thought about cutting my hair. And really started to consider it. I wasn't doing anything with it long. And I would like to donate at some point. So the more I thought of it, the more I realized I wanted to do it. So I made the appointment yesterday, and went in today.

The Reveal! )

18" in about one go, with an additonal 2" afterwards. Donated the majority to Locks of Love. I'm pretty happy with it. The stylist was awesome, and I really liked her. Put some layers into it so it released some of the natural curl and gave me some swoopy bangs that I need to train my hair into doing. Natural hair colour, looks black.

I didn't tell my sisters I was doing it. I see Mandy tomorrow and plan on surprising her. I will swear her to secrecy as well so I can surprise and shock Cory.
tokimi: (coquettish)
I adopted Adam (the Cat) this weekend from Cory. He's a 9 year old domestic short hair, who's recently started getting into fights with his littermate, Aurora, who he's lived with all his life. We thought he'd be happier with me, and being the only cat in the house, so I offered to take him. My therapist feels this is a good step, so, here he is.

I'm pretty excited to have him.

He's also obsessed with the blanket in the picture. To the point that he tried to climb into my lap, with the laptop in it, to sleep on it. I had to pull a bit out for him to the side for me so he wouldn't be in the way.



Adam Adam
Chilling out on my new microplush throw, on my futon.
Adam Adam
Different angle.
Adam Shy? Adam Shy?
He sleeps like this quite a lot, with his paw over his face and I told Kyle I'd get a picture of it for him.

tokimi: (hats off)
I invade California in 18 hours or something like that.

Cory, Mandy, Tim and Olivia and I are going to get lunch, chill for a little bit, and then the Currans are taking me to the airport, where I'll be bored for a while after getting through security. Bringing my DS, my ipod, and the new camera that I bought a few days ago, so I can take better long distance pics than I could with my old one.

Q's picking me up from the airport, and then Sunday, we're gonna hang out with Mik and Joyless from WoW for a bit before settling down and kicking back. And then, Monday, we start the epic trip.

Now I'm finally sleepy, and I have to be up in a reasonable amount of time to do the dishes, and pick up a bit more before I leave.
tokimi: (contemplation)
Everyone keeps telling me that I ought to update my livejournal. Well. I can't even say it's everyone, because the number of people who read it are few and far between, so I guess that's just a bit of an exageration. Either way, not really a big deal? It's healthy for me to write, and I really should be trying to write more. Sometimes, I just sit at the keyboard and not write. Or I do something else, but essentially, it's the same thing and it's not writing.

Right now, however, there are few other things for me to be doing. I'm in the car, on I-5 and we'd just crossed the bridge into Washington.

I slept rather well. But that could've been the awesome pile of pillows, or the fact that I was drunk at the time. Either way, I slept well, even without my nightcap of jaegerbomb, which is just as well when you consider that taking a shot of an energy drink right before sleep is counterproductive.

It's Easter weekend. At Olivia's birthday party, Mandy had asked if she and her boyfriend, Darren, could come over to Cory's place for Easter. Originally, Cory hadn't had any really big plans for Easter. Our family's got 2-3 holidays that require get togethers. And Easter really isn't one of them. But then we decided anyway to go over and do something, regardless. A quiet, small affair, without much ado.

Mandy messaged me a few days ago to let me know that I could hook a ride with her, Darren and Tina on their way to Portland. It only occurred to me on Thursday, that if they were going all the way to Portland, who's to say that I shouldn't come with them and harass Melanie and her husband, whom I had never met? Which was exactly what I did.

Melanie and I got together, and waited for Melanie's ex roommate, Melinda, whom I had known and was excited to see too, to come and meet us. We had snacks at some restaurant's happy hour and chilled out before going back to Melanie's place. Stephen, he husband, was at work. We chatted, eventually got some liquor, and started watching Pan's Labyrinth, which I had borrowed from Mandy, but like a retard, had never actually bothered to watch until I was supposed to return it. After Melinda had to leave, Melanie and I nursed our respective girly drinks for a few hours before Stephen came home, which is when we started doing shots. I learned new apprreciated for Jaeger, and tequila, and that there is a huge difference between good tequila and nasty tequilia.

We didn't have a lot of time to hang out in the morning, but we had stayed up late, and had a good time nonetheless. It had been 3 1/2 years or so since I had seen Melanie. I had never met Stephen, whom she had started dating a few months after I had last seen her. So it was good to catch up and hang out and just chill out. And of course, meet Stephen. He seems like good people, and I hadn't anticipated having much in common with him, but we did. He's a scifi geek and can, at the least, appreciate the gaming thing.

I left half a bottle of Malibu rum at Mel's place. Which means I need to go and collect it. Thinking of going to visit the weekend of my birthday if Cory and I don't make plans for a joint birthday thing.

Which brings us to the present, being in the car, driving back to Washington, and to Olympia, to hang out for the rest of the weekend at Cory's place. This was the first time that I had met Mandy's boyfriend, but he's pretty easy going and seems like a good guy. I guess I'm the only one who dates odd and strange people...?

Things have been a bit quieter for me, overall. With perhaps the notable exception of last weekend, prior to actually going to Cory's place for Olivia's birthday party. I woke up, and for inexplicable reasons, I didn't feel like going to Cory's place for the party. Despite being rather excited to see Olivia and watch her open presents and everything of the sort. It was a rather hard thing for me to even explain, and I don't think I even did, not even when I was trying to explain it to Regen in my next daily session with her. I went through quite a range of emotions that morning.

I called Cory, to try to tender my regrets for not going, or to ask her to convince me otherwise. In between serious strings of conversation, she commented on how Olivia would know that I wasn't there now, because she was old enough to recognize people. Emotional blackmail! Which was on a less serious note of the conversation, of course, she wasn't actually trying to guilt me into coming. There wasn't a real reason for not wanting to go, but there we are, and there was no explaination, and even now, really isn't.

I had made the decision to call and let Mandy know, who was going to pick me up on her way to Olympia.... Which reminds me, I had originally meant to go to Oly the day before, on my own, and I had been out cold until 3-4pm, which thoroughly and effectively scratches those plans. It's why I was going down with Mandy the next day. Anyhow, I had called to let Mandy know that she wouldn't be needing to stop in downtown. She told me that she was going to come and stop by anyhow, just to check in on me. When I got off the phone with her, for some reason, I started to cry hysterically. I was deeply upset by something, but for the life of me, I couldn't begin to explain. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and I am well aware of it.

Telephone tag with my sisters, to let Cory know that Mandy was stopping by, and for company until Mandy did show up. And then we sat around for about an hour, going through the photographs I had recently discovered in one of the boxes I had moved out of Cory's house (finally!) and had rescued from the mess that is our mother's house a few years ago. To spare the meter, Mandy wanted to go check on the car, and we did so, driving around the block. We saw the best little toy store ever, which is only really 2-3 blocks from my place, Magic Mouse Toys. It's where I had picked up my pirate flag in the old place and hung behind Murphy's cage. Anyhow. I suggested we stop there to see if I could find something for Olivia, because shopping for a three year old is a lot harder than you would expect.

I'm not sure how this turned to deciding to go to Olympia after all, but it did, and we went back to my place, so I could throw a few things into a bag to go. We were going to stop at Magic Mouse, but I changed my mind (again!) and told her to just get on the highway, because I didn't want to change my mind again until it was too late. Which is how I ended up going to Olivia's birthday party anyhow. I don't regret it. I came home that night as that Mandy decided to leave early to work on her paper due on Monday or Tuesday.

I started DBT two weeks ago, finally. It seems that once again, I'm moving forward in my overall progression of plans with finally getting into the group therapy part of DBT.

Trying to be aware of all of these things is difficult sometimes, more difficult than I would've thought possible. It seems so silly to even say so, but there it is.

Written Saturday, posted now, incomplete because I realized that if I didn't post it now, it may never get online. Incomplete, for another day, I guess.

Oh, and the newest Birthday Massacre album rocks.
tokimi: (apathy)
It's been a while since last I updated. Not a lot's really been going on in that time, so I guess that's why I've not been updating. I'll try to outline things I've been doing in that time, though.

I moved into my own place at the end of October. About a week afterwards, I bought a laptop, sorta spur of the moment, but it turned out to be a lot better than I had wanted, with a video card and 2gb of RAM. I love it. I named it Surprise, following the My Little Pony theme of my other electronics. (Desktop was Firefly, the iPod is Melody, the network is Dream Valley. You get the idea.) I've pretty much decided not to invest in another desktop at this time, though, I'm still trying to fix the old one. Surprise came with Vista, which I'm still trying to figure out to a manner of my liking. There was a lot to turn off, like the ever so annoying User Account Control thingy, which was pretty much "we'll stop you from installing this crap even though we know you want to because you're an admin and are trying to install". So after disabling that, came some other annoying tweaks to take care of. I think I have it how I like it.

Thanksgiving was an affair between my sisters, my brother in law, and my niece and I. My mother was specifically not invited, and in fact, asked not to come at all. I didn't precisely make an ultimatum regarding it, but I didn't want to be around when she was. It was relatively quiet, save for the late night, early morning freak out from my Homofag. It was a 3-4 hour event, and it was pretty freaky. As it's not my story to tell, I won't be mentioning the details, suffice to say that he was severely injured. He's recovering now, thankfully, and things weren't as bad as we had first thought.

Oh, and my turkey was gorgeous.

December was a slow month. I'm organizing things around here, and trying to get a futon/couch sorta thing. For now, I've got an inflatable matress and that's pretty comfy. It just means I can't host very well here, all things considered. No where for people to sit! Maybe I should go invest in an area rug and a few bean bag chairs. We'll all chill out and drink smoothies and eat cookies, or something.

The problem with moving is that you realize how much crap you don't have, not how much you still have. I lost a lot of things when I was hospitalized, but I only now realize that it's stupid things like cookie sheets and spices, and kitcheny things like that. Yeah, I lost some keepsakes and I miss those greatly, but what can you really do? It's just a matter of building the collection again. Sadly.

Christmas was a lot of fun. Olivia made out like a bandit, being the only grandkid on both sides of the family. This year, she got the idea of what Christmas was, at least as far as the gift giving thing was. She didn't need much prompting for opening things after the first few times. I got a few movies, a gridle. Tim's mom sent me cookies. My mom got me this... vacuum-y thing, which is pretty cool, but we didn't really understand why she got the same thing for my sisters. Eric sent me this really cute, carved rose quartz parrot, compromising between my eternal search for diamonds and Murphy. I have yet to shop for him.

Thanks to everyone I got Christmas cards from. It was appreciated. I think I got all of mine sent out. I'm fairly certain anyway.

Mandy's birthday was a lunch affair and pretty quiet as well. Just us again, my sisters, niece and Tim. Mandy and I chilled out on the bus ride down to Southcenter, trying to cut down on Cory and Tim's commute. They ended up coming up to Seattle, anyhow. I borrowed Pan's Labyrinth from Mandy, let her borrow Stardust, and Cory borrow the Prestige. Movie swaps are awesome.

I've rekindled a few friendships with some people who I'd thought were lost at some point or another. Which is good. I'm not as crazy as we'd all thought. I've gotten closer to some people, more distant with others. Ebbing and flowing, as it seems that friendships do. Can't always fix them, though we can certainly try.

Still writing somewhat, though I haven't done any short stories lately. A piece or two for a particular RP storyline.

Flipping through some of the movie channels, I just flipped into Flash Gordon. Another awesomely bad movie. I said the same thing about Cry-Baby when I saw that on TV as well. I love these awesomely bad movies. The costumes in Flash Gordon are awesome. Lots of rhinestones and satin on the chicks. Pretty makeup.

Oh well, now I'm mostly just rambling. I suppose there's other things to write about but my attention's wandering now.
tokimi: (hidden)
I guess it's good to know that there are still people in my life that when I fight with them, I get absolutely devestated because we're fighting. I don't think a lot of people would call this a good thing, but it's good to know, for me, that there are people that matter that much in my life. In a weird sort of way. I guess there's just a few people that getting into an actual fight with them will shake me up and put me out of place for a while. And then things get solved, mended or fixed in some way or another, and all is right with the world again.

On the flip side, it's -bad- to realize that there are people in life who don't seem to care enough. You drop everything you're doing to go and comfort, console and make sure they're okay, but tell them something like you're slipping into a depression or some such, and you get absolutely no response and are ignored for the rest of the night. Tell them straight up that they're driving you crazy with their apparent lack of interest, and nothing. What does it mean? For someone who used to play those juevenile games of waiting to be messaged by their friends instead of messaging them all the time, to make sure they wanted to talk to you, it means that they don't care as much about you as you did them.

I was in Cory's van with Mandy driving when Mandy hit one of the concrete pylons in the Target garage. Passenger side, the comment, "Are you sure this is two lanes?" preceding the actual accident. Everyone okay. Hell, Olivia didn't even wake up, but there was some damage done to the van. Mandy was pretty upset, understandably, but she calmed down after a while. I hope she went to the football game, still, hell, I hope UW won, though, I don't think they did. I don't follow college football, but there were a lot of Oregon people here, so, for us, I hope they won.

Moving this weekend. Hopefully my phone will be on.

Blah, just writing this is hard. I keep pulling up Freecell, I keep looking around my room, changing my music, looking at my contact list or books that are on my desk and the like. I keep checking IRC despite the fact I'm only in ONE channel at the moment and that's with a person who's at work for the next few hours. Attention span is very limited right now.

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tokimi: (Default)
Tokimi

June 2011

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