tokimi: (blue)
A few things while I sit around here and chill out.

I discovered Pandora. I don't know why it's taken that long to figure this out. I'm always the last on the trend train. Still holding out against Facebook. Better than the radio, better than randomizing my playlist as it'll play stuff I don't have and should.

Kyle and I broke up. Largely due to the fact that he was unable to make time for me in our relationship. He'd say he'd call, and then never would. I don't begrudge him going out and having fun with his friends, but I do take exception to being put up on the shelf for days on end until -he- was ready to have a girlfriend again. I blame a lot of this on his age, of the pure self centered-ness of being that age, that some people don't seem to be ready to -share- their lives when in a relationship. If you can make time for video games, you should be able to make time for the person you claim to love. In the end, I just wasn't that important, and it fucking kills me to say it. Actions speak louder than words, and being able to let someone go, and to do anything -but- talk to them... In a relationship that is based on nothing but talking, when you aren't, there isn't much left.

What's torturing me now, is that in the week or so we've broken up, he's decided that he can message me more in this space of time, than he had in the entire month. I wasn't important enough until he lost me, again? It's difficult to say what's going on in his mind. Needless to say, I'm hurt, I'm crushed, and I'm going to move on because there isn't anything left in this relationship. As my friend said, "he's a lazy tardface" (direct quote) and that I'm too good for it. Gotta appreciate the way your friends will take care of you when they think you need it.

So of course, all of my insecurities have come back to the forefront. Not being good enough to fucking talk to, being abandoned or discarded... tie into the fact that at the same time, another online friend has apparently dropped me for no reason that I can discern, it's just eating away at me. "Friend" won't tell me and I finally told him off and called him off for not being man enough to tell me to my face why he's not talking to me. I suspect it's another ego trip of his. Being forgotten or discarded is the worst thing I can think of, the absolute horror to my mind, and it's happening in strange places and by more than one person. Enough to break fragile egos and self confidence.

But you know what? Fuck 'em. It's their loss. They'll grow up, maybe, someday, and realize what they done, and regret it.

Jessie's coming over tonight, and I'm working on picking things up a bit. She's allergic to cats, but she's just gonna have to suffer through Adam's presence and hanging about. He's still a good cat. I bet he's slept on the sheets under the futon. It seems like something he'd do. Sitting here innocently.

I beat Dragon Age on my first play through finally. Going through for a human noble now, female, though I should probably be playing a guy or something. Maybe on my next play through. Slogging through Aion slowly. Considering going back to WoW on Immortal's server, but not being a part of Immortal given that I quit the guild on Aion and pretty much called them out for some of their behaviour there, and the running of the chapter into the ground and the like. Oh well. But at least on Lightbringer, there's a few people I know. I'd like to start or get into a static 10 man group that didn't suck too much. It would be pretty nice, and having people that you can trust to do the work... etc. There's a lot of things I'd like to do with that.

I should comment on Christmas, but that could be another entry, I think.
tokimi: (thinking)
* Moving into a one bedroom apartment. Fifth floor, southern facing windows, much larger. I'll get the layout all figured out soon. Super excited about this. I plan on saving money to get a real bed.

* The cable company will make me go 2 days (gasp!!) without internets in the new place. Fuckers.

* The cable company cannot switch my phone service over until the 30th. I don't know why. Not a big deal.

* Adam will not be able to fur the fuck out of my stuff anymore. This will make him sad, I'm sure.

* My iPod has to go to the doctor and I'm taking it to the University Village store. It was repeatedly crashing iTunes earlier, and it wouldn't sync. Everytime I plug it in, I have to restore it.

* Neighbours who do not have awesome stereo systems should not try to start music wars with those who do. It will not end well. I plugged in my 2.1 desktop speakers, put the subwoofer on his wall, and let it rip. Techno and Bollywood. Fuck you, dude.

* Level 47 on Aion, should be 48 before the move. When I get back, everyone will probably be 50, and they'll have to wait on me to go to Dark Poeta. Haha. Sucks to be them. Absinthe is finally in armor that's not pink.

* Kyle moved back home, has a new job, looking into a second part time things, and sounds worlds happier now than he has been in several months. Which in turn makes me happy for him, so it's this circle of happiness that happens like that.

* Thanksgiving will be at Mandy's place. I will still be zee cook, as to be expected. It's fun, and I never have to do the dishes. It's awesome.

* I still want a netbook. Now more than ever, because I keep wanting to write late at night, but then I realize that I'd have to boot up my laptop. With a netbook, at least, I can still be on IRC and talking to people when I have to mail off my laptop to Gateway to be fixed since it keeps overheating. Which sucks.

* Laptop is overheating when I game. Which sucks, because it's a gaming rig, and shouldn't. My daddy says it shouldn't, so I believe him.

* Already done my Christmas shopping, just have to hit the order button, which happens in December. Not sure if I'll do Christmas cards.

* I'm running a slaver ring and a crime syndicate on BDI. I finally get to knock up my elf chick. Sweet. Baby-daddy is 5000 years old. Freakin' elves.
tokimi: (contemplation)
I did it because [livejournal.com profile] quarla did it.


visited 30 states (60%)
Create your own visited map of The United States

You can see both trips cross country, and the few airport layovers. Layovers totally count, right?

Contemplating NaNoWriMo this year. Have an idea, Kyle suggested it after this wicked dream I had. The story would be mostly set in modern times, a fantasy revolving around reincarnation and what not. Not quite to the extent of the Troy Game or anything like that, but mostly from one life, to the current. Might have to do a bit more research on England or something to make the plot work, or just use an alternate US of a sorts. I haven't decided. I should go check on my NaNoWriMo account to see if it's still active. I haven't done it in 4-5 years.

Turns out I had to reregister for NaNoWriMo: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/571345

Added Abilify to my drug regimen, and am going back on my sleeping pills to regulate my strange sleeping habits as of late. Hopefully, this will help.
tokimi: (kiss)
Sorceror & Chanter )

Kyle and me in game, being dorks.
tokimi: (coquettish)
I adopted Adam (the Cat) this weekend from Cory. He's a 9 year old domestic short hair, who's recently started getting into fights with his littermate, Aurora, who he's lived with all his life. We thought he'd be happier with me, and being the only cat in the house, so I offered to take him. My therapist feels this is a good step, so, here he is.

I'm pretty excited to have him.

He's also obsessed with the blanket in the picture. To the point that he tried to climb into my lap, with the laptop in it, to sleep on it. I had to pull a bit out for him to the side for me so he wouldn't be in the way.



Adam Adam
Chilling out on my new microplush throw, on my futon.
Adam Adam
Different angle.
Adam Shy? Adam Shy?
He sleeps like this quite a lot, with his paw over his face and I told Kyle I'd get a picture of it for him.

tokimi: (waiting)
I keep meaning to update in a fuller capacity and I haven't really done it.

There's only a few key points to note at the moment.

* Kyle messaged me a few weeks ago and we talked things over. Our relationship is on the mend. He initiated our initial conversation, and I said a lot of things that I had refrained from since that day in July we had broken up. I do mean to fully explain this in the future, so, stay tuned? I've told my sisters and some of my friends about it already, and I just haven't quite committed it here, though I mean to. I understand that some people may feel this is the wrong choice, but as I've already explained to my sisters and my therapist, it feels right somehow, and I hesitate about ignoring my gut feeling.

* Sherzad, aka Tekno died last year in August. I know there are several people on my friend's list who knew the guy, and felt that they too should know about this. It did take a year for me to find out about this, and even longer for me to remember his last name to look up how since the original source of information didn't know how. (I heard it from Justin, who heard it from some girl that apparently knew Sherz, and her information was sketchy at best.) Apparently, it was a car accident, and I believe he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. Any other details beyond that, I'm not sure. He left behind an adorable little girl named Samantha.

* They finally removed the desk thing from my apartment. Quite anticlimatic after the other two topics, but I am inordinately pleased about it, and have been planning to organize about it. I am still in the decision process about fully retiring my desktop or not, as I've moved almost everything worth saving from it onto the second harddrive on my laptop, which my dad bought me during my trip out east. Planning a trip to Ikea the coming weekend to buy another media shelf and a dresser. I had miscalculated on the capacity of the shelves I bought before I went on the epic road trip. (Picture here.) I'm in the process of rehoming things and waiting on the Ikea trip to further organize. I'm hanging up posters, and discovered I have a Luis Royo print that was still in shrink wrap in one of my poster tubes. I'm not sure where I got this or when.

* Aion launches in less than a month. Excited about this as WoW has just gotten duller and duller and the latest announcement regarding the next expansion just looks boring and somewhat anticlimatic. The latest raid has been boring as well, and it's only because they've released one boss a week that people haven't blown through the content quickly.

* I still need to resize the photos from my trip and post them online. I should sit down and do that at some point.

* I've started RPing again, after nearly 18 months or longer in hiatus. It's refreshing. I have a short story I wrote earlier this year that I mean to post on my LJ for more feedback. Decky has been abyssmal at such things as he recognizes the main character and keeps going on about how she should be more faithful to the personality he knows of her, rather than taking the story at face value. I'm still waiting on his essay. I started going through past logs of certain characters, and I still get that same squicky feeling from a certain scene played out more than 6 years ago. Crazy.

* I'm adopting Cory's cat, Adam, because he's recently begun to fight with his sister, Aurora. We're not sure why. And Adam loves me. So I'm taking him. I miss having a cat, though I'm sure in a few weeks, I'll be ready to climb the walls with having to deal with a cat on my laptop or pawing through my hair at night when I want to sleep. We'll see!

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Tokimi

June 2011

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