tokimi: (teh hotness)
Probably shouldn't have waited a year to write. Not that I was waiting, per se, but the depression after the break up with Eric and subsequent whirlwind wooing by Chris was... um... a whirlwind.

So to jump to things, I've been seeing Chris for nearly a year, or a year, or something like that. He moved back up to Seattle in September, and we officially moved in together in February. Murphy and Adam both live with us, and terrorize or whore it up, according to their own natures. We're currently looking for a larger apartment, townhouse or house with or without a roommate, depending on what happens. I'm very happy with my life with Chris, overall, though we need to buckle down and start saving for the move. We do have the ballet, a symphony and PAX on the horizon, plus a trip back to New Hampshire in September for -his- friend's wedding, ironically enough.

I'm back in DBT and at the halfway mark now. We just started Distress Tolerance again, which is good. I think I'm excited about this module because I finally made a box out of a very bright gift box from Daiso. I've put the things that make me smile in there, and help to break moods and stuff. Olivia's kindergarten pic is one of them! But that's because I don't want my sister and brother in law to ever have to explain what happened to Auntie Margo. Therapy seems to be going well, I slipped off the bandwagon for a little bit, but seem to be back on it. Trying to learn to self discipline myself into being responsible, but it's kinda hard. And sometimes it really makes me feel like I'm the black sheep of the family. Mostly because my sisters are both successful in their chosen fields, and are working on or have received their masters. And I'm... in therapy, not working. Eeeeh... C'est la vie? I don't know.

I went to New Hampshire last December and saw a bunch of people for the first time since I graduated high school. I plan on packing as many people into the five day trip this fall as possible. We'll see how it goes. Lorelei's definitely on the list of people to see since I didn't get to see her last time I was there.

Chris wants me to read the Wheel of Time, and I'm stuck halfway through the first book. I said I would read the whole thing, but it's so slow, and slogging through it is painful. I'm trying, but I just don't think it's my thing? And it's not that I don't like fantasy or epic reads or whatever. I just don't know, but I feel as though I'm letting him down by not finishing the book. He says I like to cuddle it more than I like to actually read it. He could be right. I read it on the bus, mostly when I have nothing better to do.

I have things to do this weekend, it's amazing. I have to mail my copy of the Last Unicorn comic to Dawn to get signed by Peter Beagle, and go to Lush to buy a birthday present for one of our friends, Beth... well, and buy some stuff for me, mostly moisturizer. Like I need a reason to go to Lush! That's really Dawn's fault, since she introduced Lush to me before she moved.

Um, what else has happened? My sisters both moved. Mandy to New Mexico with her fiancee for school, and Cory, Tim and Olivia to New Hampshire to be closer to Tim's family. And prolly my dad and stepmom, too! Mandy and Russell will be visiting Seattle in July, yay, and I hope to see them at least once, if not more. Chris is nervous about meeting my younger sister and her fiancee, but he'll do fine! Or he better!

Lots of stuffs I want to do this year. PAX, the ballet, the symphony, NaNoWriMo, the Uproar Festival, meet Chris's family, graduate DBT... um... The year is half over, gotta hop to! Though, some of those events can't be rushed, or have certain dates. Most of those dates are unchangeable. Oh well.

Anyways, not a bad start to journaling again...
tokimi: (cheshire)
One of my friends just posted on their LJ about how they wished they could just pack up and leave, moving 3000+ miles away. In retrospect, that's exactly what I did when I graduated. I think, when I was in New England this summer, I was a bit disappointed and deluded about how everyone I still talked to would be happy to see me, to hang out again. I thought that more people would call and make time to actually see me while I was there, and I was disappointed when I ended up seeing some people once (not CS~~, you're 8hrs away) or not at all. I saw Steph twice on my trip, and once was a total fluke because she ended up in NH when I was out there. It just makes you think, about the prospect that everyone is getting on with their lives and still moving forward, and that, no matter how much we may want, you can't just go back to how things were when you were younger.

I don't even know if I would want to. I was a pretty unhappy person when I was younger. And I think I'm finally on the right track in my life to be a happier person than I was then. 10-15 years ago, I was depressed, suicidal and in a situation I didn't have any control over. To think back on that reminds me that even though I've lost some of the friends I had then, I've still made new friends. More importantly, I'm a better person than I was then.

Enough reflecting.

Today I have to take my iPod back into the Apple Store and hope that it breaks this time, because it did last night, and it did it again last week. I'm hoping that the problem occurs in the store, unlike last week, so they can actually do something to fix it, because I'm pretty frustrated about the whole situation. It takes over an hour to resync my until music/movie collection onto it. That's right, I started a movie collection on it, and it's pretty fucking badass that I can watch TV shows and stuff on the freakin bus. Which, incidentally, does not stop the wanting for a bloody netbook.

My new apartment gets pretty warm when the sun's out. Southern facing windows ftw?

Dragon Age Origins is rocking my socks off right now. Such a fun game. I'm 25hrs into it, and working my way through the Deep Roads for the bloody pussy dwarves, the last mission before shit hits the fan with the politic baddie. I made Alistair proposition me, and I wonder if he'll get hurt if I boink the elf rogue? I can always buy his love back, I'm sure.

Taking a break from Aion, though, I really should just nose to the grindstone work out the last 220% of my level so I can go back to killing people and helping other people kill people. I don't want to play WoW, like Shattered and some of the Immortal people do. Boo to WoW, though, I admit, some base level of curiousity to seeing Icecrown Citadel. Such an addiction! Ugh. Cruising around a 310% drake is fun though.

Justin needs to get me a Demonoid invite. I want the other A23 rares album.
tokimi: (thinking)
* Moving into a one bedroom apartment. Fifth floor, southern facing windows, much larger. I'll get the layout all figured out soon. Super excited about this. I plan on saving money to get a real bed.

* The cable company will make me go 2 days (gasp!!) without internets in the new place. Fuckers.

* The cable company cannot switch my phone service over until the 30th. I don't know why. Not a big deal.

* Adam will not be able to fur the fuck out of my stuff anymore. This will make him sad, I'm sure.

* My iPod has to go to the doctor and I'm taking it to the University Village store. It was repeatedly crashing iTunes earlier, and it wouldn't sync. Everytime I plug it in, I have to restore it.

* Neighbours who do not have awesome stereo systems should not try to start music wars with those who do. It will not end well. I plugged in my 2.1 desktop speakers, put the subwoofer on his wall, and let it rip. Techno and Bollywood. Fuck you, dude.

* Level 47 on Aion, should be 48 before the move. When I get back, everyone will probably be 50, and they'll have to wait on me to go to Dark Poeta. Haha. Sucks to be them. Absinthe is finally in armor that's not pink.

* Kyle moved back home, has a new job, looking into a second part time things, and sounds worlds happier now than he has been in several months. Which in turn makes me happy for him, so it's this circle of happiness that happens like that.

* Thanksgiving will be at Mandy's place. I will still be zee cook, as to be expected. It's fun, and I never have to do the dishes. It's awesome.

* I still want a netbook. Now more than ever, because I keep wanting to write late at night, but then I realize that I'd have to boot up my laptop. With a netbook, at least, I can still be on IRC and talking to people when I have to mail off my laptop to Gateway to be fixed since it keeps overheating. Which sucks.

* Laptop is overheating when I game. Which sucks, because it's a gaming rig, and shouldn't. My daddy says it shouldn't, so I believe him.

* Already done my Christmas shopping, just have to hit the order button, which happens in December. Not sure if I'll do Christmas cards.

* I'm running a slaver ring and a crime syndicate on BDI. I finally get to knock up my elf chick. Sweet. Baby-daddy is 5000 years old. Freakin' elves.
tokimi: (help)
So I finally bought "Alex & Me" by Dr. Irene Pepperberg. She wrote the book sometime after Alex had died, and the first chapter is all about the outpouring of support for her following his death. She includes several exerpts from emails and cards that had been sent to her expressing sympathy for her.

I cried like a baby. I was in the back seat of Cory's mini van, heading back up to Seattle, reading the book, Olivia jabbering away, with tears streaming down my face as I read the first chapter. My niece even stopped and asked me if I was ok, because I was crying so much.

Who knew that the death of a parrot that I hadn't ever met would effect me so much? I remember crying when I read the news article originally. It was because of Alex that we actually got Murphy.

Saw my mother for the first time in 3 years two weeks ago. I went to see my grandmother, my mother was there, inevitably. I didn't want her to touch me, but I obliged with a hug the first time, but not the second as we were leaving.

Cory and I made apple butter this last weekend. I have jars for Christina, Regan and my friend/guildmate, Snow, who lives in Puyullap. I also made brownies and cookies for Kyle which I need to mail out.

Picked up a vacuum and some clothes to work out in. And a skull pillow. I love Halloween.

I wonder if I'm sliding into a depression again. I'm not eating as much, or getting hungry, and I'm sleeping and feeling sleepy a lot more. Good thing I see Regan today so I can ask her what she thinks about it.
tokimi: (blushing)
So.

So many things I could be writing about right now. But only a few lines, since I can't seem to sit down for long enough to write all of those things.

There's still a lot of stuff I need to do. And want to do. And want to make of my life. I want a house, I want my marvelous, custom built kitchen. I want a couple of cats, a dog or two, and Murphy (who will not be renamed Bread). I want to be a pastry chef. But to do all that, got to straighten shit out first. Always had a reason, never had much motivation until the last few months.

I'm actually pretty happy (content!) most of the time, when not in fits or episodes of anxiety, crazy or depression; those having come much less frequent, though. I'm inspired to work on all of those things I've been putting off in therapy. And those quirks that seem to entirely wreck my universe that are mostly of my own design. I attribute this to mostly to one of the most amazing people I've been blessed to meet. I don't know how they do it, but they do, and it's incredible to me. I'm very happy to have met them, and I'm glad that they're in my life. I will no doubt go on about (----) in the future, but for the moment, this being a quick update that's not entirely about them, it's not the time.

I have hesitated in writing about (----) for a few months now, and I don't particularly know why. Sometimes, things are like a bubble and the slightest outside pressure can pop it.

I'm 25 now. And it freaked me out for a while. I think I'm okay with it. I told (----), about something in their life, that it's a transitional period, that just because things are crappy now, doesn't mean they always will be. And really, it's the same thing, about my life. It's just easier to tell someone else that, than it is to believe it yourself.

Mandy and I went to the ballet a few days after my birthday, because they were performing Swan Lake, and it's been one of my favourite pieces of music for ages. I cried at the end of it, it was so moving, so beautiful. I will probably make an effort to go back and see Swan Lake everytime it's performed at the PNW Ballet after that. I really enjoyed the performance. I still mean to go to an opera at some point, but there's only two I really want to see, namely Don Giovanni and Aida.

My lip ring's been healing up pretty nicely. I got my ears all gauged up to 18s, including my cartiledge piercing. I thought they would all hurt a LOT more than they did. It was very anticlimatic. I'm thinking of maybe gauging my lowest earring to 14 or 12 to put in some of the more interesting pyrex "squid" pieces of jewelry. I'll have to look up some pics later. This being a quick update before I lose the determination to write.

I quit the WoW guild I had helped build and ran for the last 5 months. Pointedly, it had gotten to be a lot of stress. When I spend the first half hour or more of every nightly conversation with (----) bitching about it, it's gone too far. It wasn't fun anymore. It was more work than it should've been, and I shouldn't have been the only person busting their ass to make it all work out. After nearly a 2 month ultimatum, it's how things fell out. I admit to quitting in a fit of utter frustration and some what emo-ness, but it wasn't a huge surprise, and shouldn't have been, for the officers that it happened. I'd been saying I wanted to if things hadn't changed. And they didn't. In the two short weeks since I quit, the whole guild has fallen apart, which, in my opinion, pretty much underscores the fact that I had been single handedly running the guild.

Anyhow.

Lastly. [livejournal.com profile] quarla might need a traveling buddy for when she moves out to NY in late July. She asked me if I wanted to come, and offered to help pay for plane tickets to Socal and then back to Seattle. I'm heavily considering doing it, as it'll be a blast driving cross country again, and to see more of the sights (and maybe peoples along the way, [livejournal.com profile] dmoira). And it's a chance to see everyone back in NH whom I haven't seen since I graduated high school in 2002. I have no doubt that I can convince someone to meet us halfway in Burlington, Vermont to make the Margo exchange so I could go back to NH for a week or two and then fly out of Manchester or Boston to head home. It would be awesome to see everyone back east again, it's been so long. I need to email my dad about it, and see about his plans.

And that's all I'm committing to for right now. Once again, I'll try to write more again in the future, but I say that alot, and it never comes through.
tokimi: (contemplation)
Everyone keeps telling me that I ought to update my livejournal. Well. I can't even say it's everyone, because the number of people who read it are few and far between, so I guess that's just a bit of an exageration. Either way, not really a big deal? It's healthy for me to write, and I really should be trying to write more. Sometimes, I just sit at the keyboard and not write. Or I do something else, but essentially, it's the same thing and it's not writing.

Right now, however, there are few other things for me to be doing. I'm in the car, on I-5 and we'd just crossed the bridge into Washington.

I slept rather well. But that could've been the awesome pile of pillows, or the fact that I was drunk at the time. Either way, I slept well, even without my nightcap of jaegerbomb, which is just as well when you consider that taking a shot of an energy drink right before sleep is counterproductive.

It's Easter weekend. At Olivia's birthday party, Mandy had asked if she and her boyfriend, Darren, could come over to Cory's place for Easter. Originally, Cory hadn't had any really big plans for Easter. Our family's got 2-3 holidays that require get togethers. And Easter really isn't one of them. But then we decided anyway to go over and do something, regardless. A quiet, small affair, without much ado.

Mandy messaged me a few days ago to let me know that I could hook a ride with her, Darren and Tina on their way to Portland. It only occurred to me on Thursday, that if they were going all the way to Portland, who's to say that I shouldn't come with them and harass Melanie and her husband, whom I had never met? Which was exactly what I did.

Melanie and I got together, and waited for Melanie's ex roommate, Melinda, whom I had known and was excited to see too, to come and meet us. We had snacks at some restaurant's happy hour and chilled out before going back to Melanie's place. Stephen, he husband, was at work. We chatted, eventually got some liquor, and started watching Pan's Labyrinth, which I had borrowed from Mandy, but like a retard, had never actually bothered to watch until I was supposed to return it. After Melinda had to leave, Melanie and I nursed our respective girly drinks for a few hours before Stephen came home, which is when we started doing shots. I learned new apprreciated for Jaeger, and tequila, and that there is a huge difference between good tequila and nasty tequilia.

We didn't have a lot of time to hang out in the morning, but we had stayed up late, and had a good time nonetheless. It had been 3 1/2 years or so since I had seen Melanie. I had never met Stephen, whom she had started dating a few months after I had last seen her. So it was good to catch up and hang out and just chill out. And of course, meet Stephen. He seems like good people, and I hadn't anticipated having much in common with him, but we did. He's a scifi geek and can, at the least, appreciate the gaming thing.

I left half a bottle of Malibu rum at Mel's place. Which means I need to go and collect it. Thinking of going to visit the weekend of my birthday if Cory and I don't make plans for a joint birthday thing.

Which brings us to the present, being in the car, driving back to Washington, and to Olympia, to hang out for the rest of the weekend at Cory's place. This was the first time that I had met Mandy's boyfriend, but he's pretty easy going and seems like a good guy. I guess I'm the only one who dates odd and strange people...?

Things have been a bit quieter for me, overall. With perhaps the notable exception of last weekend, prior to actually going to Cory's place for Olivia's birthday party. I woke up, and for inexplicable reasons, I didn't feel like going to Cory's place for the party. Despite being rather excited to see Olivia and watch her open presents and everything of the sort. It was a rather hard thing for me to even explain, and I don't think I even did, not even when I was trying to explain it to Regen in my next daily session with her. I went through quite a range of emotions that morning.

I called Cory, to try to tender my regrets for not going, or to ask her to convince me otherwise. In between serious strings of conversation, she commented on how Olivia would know that I wasn't there now, because she was old enough to recognize people. Emotional blackmail! Which was on a less serious note of the conversation, of course, she wasn't actually trying to guilt me into coming. There wasn't a real reason for not wanting to go, but there we are, and there was no explaination, and even now, really isn't.

I had made the decision to call and let Mandy know, who was going to pick me up on her way to Olympia.... Which reminds me, I had originally meant to go to Oly the day before, on my own, and I had been out cold until 3-4pm, which thoroughly and effectively scratches those plans. It's why I was going down with Mandy the next day. Anyhow, I had called to let Mandy know that she wouldn't be needing to stop in downtown. She told me that she was going to come and stop by anyhow, just to check in on me. When I got off the phone with her, for some reason, I started to cry hysterically. I was deeply upset by something, but for the life of me, I couldn't begin to explain. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and I am well aware of it.

Telephone tag with my sisters, to let Cory know that Mandy was stopping by, and for company until Mandy did show up. And then we sat around for about an hour, going through the photographs I had recently discovered in one of the boxes I had moved out of Cory's house (finally!) and had rescued from the mess that is our mother's house a few years ago. To spare the meter, Mandy wanted to go check on the car, and we did so, driving around the block. We saw the best little toy store ever, which is only really 2-3 blocks from my place, Magic Mouse Toys. It's where I had picked up my pirate flag in the old place and hung behind Murphy's cage. Anyhow. I suggested we stop there to see if I could find something for Olivia, because shopping for a three year old is a lot harder than you would expect.

I'm not sure how this turned to deciding to go to Olympia after all, but it did, and we went back to my place, so I could throw a few things into a bag to go. We were going to stop at Magic Mouse, but I changed my mind (again!) and told her to just get on the highway, because I didn't want to change my mind again until it was too late. Which is how I ended up going to Olivia's birthday party anyhow. I don't regret it. I came home that night as that Mandy decided to leave early to work on her paper due on Monday or Tuesday.

I started DBT two weeks ago, finally. It seems that once again, I'm moving forward in my overall progression of plans with finally getting into the group therapy part of DBT.

Trying to be aware of all of these things is difficult sometimes, more difficult than I would've thought possible. It seems so silly to even say so, but there it is.

Written Saturday, posted now, incomplete because I realized that if I didn't post it now, it may never get online. Incomplete, for another day, I guess.

Oh, and the newest Birthday Massacre album rocks.
tokimi: (apathy)
It's been a while since last I updated. Not a lot's really been going on in that time, so I guess that's why I've not been updating. I'll try to outline things I've been doing in that time, though.

I moved into my own place at the end of October. About a week afterwards, I bought a laptop, sorta spur of the moment, but it turned out to be a lot better than I had wanted, with a video card and 2gb of RAM. I love it. I named it Surprise, following the My Little Pony theme of my other electronics. (Desktop was Firefly, the iPod is Melody, the network is Dream Valley. You get the idea.) I've pretty much decided not to invest in another desktop at this time, though, I'm still trying to fix the old one. Surprise came with Vista, which I'm still trying to figure out to a manner of my liking. There was a lot to turn off, like the ever so annoying User Account Control thingy, which was pretty much "we'll stop you from installing this crap even though we know you want to because you're an admin and are trying to install". So after disabling that, came some other annoying tweaks to take care of. I think I have it how I like it.

Thanksgiving was an affair between my sisters, my brother in law, and my niece and I. My mother was specifically not invited, and in fact, asked not to come at all. I didn't precisely make an ultimatum regarding it, but I didn't want to be around when she was. It was relatively quiet, save for the late night, early morning freak out from my Homofag. It was a 3-4 hour event, and it was pretty freaky. As it's not my story to tell, I won't be mentioning the details, suffice to say that he was severely injured. He's recovering now, thankfully, and things weren't as bad as we had first thought.

Oh, and my turkey was gorgeous.

December was a slow month. I'm organizing things around here, and trying to get a futon/couch sorta thing. For now, I've got an inflatable matress and that's pretty comfy. It just means I can't host very well here, all things considered. No where for people to sit! Maybe I should go invest in an area rug and a few bean bag chairs. We'll all chill out and drink smoothies and eat cookies, or something.

The problem with moving is that you realize how much crap you don't have, not how much you still have. I lost a lot of things when I was hospitalized, but I only now realize that it's stupid things like cookie sheets and spices, and kitcheny things like that. Yeah, I lost some keepsakes and I miss those greatly, but what can you really do? It's just a matter of building the collection again. Sadly.

Christmas was a lot of fun. Olivia made out like a bandit, being the only grandkid on both sides of the family. This year, she got the idea of what Christmas was, at least as far as the gift giving thing was. She didn't need much prompting for opening things after the first few times. I got a few movies, a gridle. Tim's mom sent me cookies. My mom got me this... vacuum-y thing, which is pretty cool, but we didn't really understand why she got the same thing for my sisters. Eric sent me this really cute, carved rose quartz parrot, compromising between my eternal search for diamonds and Murphy. I have yet to shop for him.

Thanks to everyone I got Christmas cards from. It was appreciated. I think I got all of mine sent out. I'm fairly certain anyway.

Mandy's birthday was a lunch affair and pretty quiet as well. Just us again, my sisters, niece and Tim. Mandy and I chilled out on the bus ride down to Southcenter, trying to cut down on Cory and Tim's commute. They ended up coming up to Seattle, anyhow. I borrowed Pan's Labyrinth from Mandy, let her borrow Stardust, and Cory borrow the Prestige. Movie swaps are awesome.

I've rekindled a few friendships with some people who I'd thought were lost at some point or another. Which is good. I'm not as crazy as we'd all thought. I've gotten closer to some people, more distant with others. Ebbing and flowing, as it seems that friendships do. Can't always fix them, though we can certainly try.

Still writing somewhat, though I haven't done any short stories lately. A piece or two for a particular RP storyline.

Flipping through some of the movie channels, I just flipped into Flash Gordon. Another awesomely bad movie. I said the same thing about Cry-Baby when I saw that on TV as well. I love these awesomely bad movies. The costumes in Flash Gordon are awesome. Lots of rhinestones and satin on the chicks. Pretty makeup.

Oh well, now I'm mostly just rambling. I suppose there's other things to write about but my attention's wandering now.
tokimi: (tired)
Still trying to kick this cold thing I have. The symptoms change on a daily basis and it's driving me nuts. First it looked like strep, sore throat, no congestion, fever... the next day, no sore throat, but I can't really talk well. Today, just sorta run down, but functioning, and no sore throat, but still somewhat hoarse. It's lame. 1000mg of vitamin C every few hours and loads of orange juice. I'mma murder that cold.

Feeling better though.

Got my friend Christmas card of the season, from [livejournal.com profile] snowbitch. I need to get mine and mail them out before I keep putting them off.
tokimi: (meeeee)
My phone is on.

I will be moving today. Hopefully, internet will be on in the new place on Friday or Saturday.
tokimi: (meeeee)
Not a whole lot to be saying lately, hence the not posting and all of that rot. It's been raining, but it's Seattle and it's the fall, so it's not to be unexpected.

I still haven't gotten my computer fixed, I need to try to pop in another CD ROM to see if I can boot from that, but it's been retarded and I haven't bothered with it. Which means I haven't been playing L2 a lot because I don't like dying due to immense and stupidly crazy lag.

John and Snow got me to play WoW on the Skywall server, which is a normal server. I called them all pussies for not playing a PVP server. We're Alliance. Got a level 35 Human Mage named Nemamiah after my L2 Sorc. I've been working, sorta, also on a Horde character on Dark Iron for Merin, but it's been a lukewarm experience because I want to be pretty (Blood Elf) and the account isn't an expansion account. But it's a -free- account, because it used to be Snow's son's and he's letting me use it. Ironic, I have no problem running WoW (just lag when I run places and run slow), but L2 freaks out.

Oh yah, I already told Quarla about this. I don't think I updated on the level of my mage, though. I feel like such a traitor to play WoW. Haha.

I've got an interview at the Frye Apartments today. I'll nail it, and get my own place and then make Eric come and see me again. Ruthie did really well on her interview yesterday and got a place, and Nikki already lives there. So it would be cool to have people I know in the building, even if I don't really like the area too well.

I've listened to most of the new Nightwish album, but as Amy and I decided, it's not really Nightwish. I'm lukewarm about going to the concert at the Showboxx on Halloween. My favourite song on the album is probably Sahara. As Amy said, it's like After Forever with Nightwish rifts. It's not -bad-, it's just not Nightwish. The new vocalist doesn't have the same power as Tarja did, and I really wish they wouldn't tone down the vocals on the album the way they have been for the last 2-3 albums. It would sound a lot better if they didn't.

Oh, and I have a headache.
tokimi: (daydreaming)
Casey and I bailed on A23 last night. He had gone to Haujobb on Friday at El Corazon and told me that the sound quality completely sucked, saying that the guy on the mixing boards and what not sucked. Not to mention, the concert didn't start until 9, and we both had places to be early in the morning. Granted, I wish I had known this a bit earlier in the day, instead of like... two hours before the show started, but it's cool. I was agitated last night but I'm pretty much over it now. Tom Shear lives in Seattle, and plays at the Mercury every now and again. Casey's roommate of awesomness, Dores, is a member at the Mercury, so we could get in pretty easy. So, bummed about not going, but I'm pretty much over it.

Not to mention, Casey mentioned reinstating movie night, and actually watching movies this time around. Which would be cool. Had a lot of fun the last time I was doing movie night with Casey, even though we never actually got around to watching movies that time. But it was good people, good food, good conversation, and the best quote, "Let's tap that bitch like a keg." Mwahaha.

Looking into new music. Right now Indian/Hindi mp3s and stuff. Learning all of the lingo and the artists is a bit hard, at least because it's so vast, but it's been good fun. Not to mention, it's completely over the top for me. I don't know the language at all, so I'm lost. Granted, I don't know German, but most of the German I listen to is either metal or electronica. Jessie doesn't like the music, so I can normally put it on to scare her out of my room, which is just as awesome, to be honest. Also started getting into some more industrial, stuff that's a bit harder than what I usually listen to. Stompier. Listened to the new Seabound album and loved it. I've listened to the new Nightwish single and didn't love it so much. Listened to part of the new album and... Meh. I don't know. I don't think the new vocalist has the necessary support and training to sustain the same sort of calibre of music that Tarja did. Which is a pity.

On top of all of that, doing pretty well. Entering into the next stage of this particular housing place, which is an interview and the release of information, as well as some other things, like looking over a lease. Which is exciting, because then it's another step to independence and a real life and all of that crazy stuff. Oh, and because I could have house guests, and maybe Murphy too, which would really mean a lot to me. I miss my feathered emokid.

L2 stuff's been pretty mellow. Working on putting together the mats for some crafts to hopefully make a profit on. Had to give Vina back the SOM I was using and so Nem was weaponless. Failed a FDS craft that was meant to be a replacement. Tile bailed me out and bought me a new SOM and Jeremy's helping me get a level 12 blue soul crystal to put Acumen on it. Probably this week. It's still hard to level because of my lag issues, which brings me to another problem altogether.

My computer is being utterly retarded. It sounds almost as though I have the same sort of virus that Justin said he had, that was attaching itself to high resource processes and lagging the system down. Which is pretty much what happens when I run L2 or try to burn CDs. So he had to reformat. My problem is that I -can't- reformat because I can't get the CDs to boot up in DOS. It just ignores the fact there's a CD in the drive after trying to read it and pops back into Windows. It's really frustrating. I have 3 copies of XP here, two burns and a legal upgrade copy from my dad, but I can't reinstall from Windows. I can't boot from the CD, so I can't reformat, so I can't fix my computer. I have no idea what the hell is going on and it's driving me nuts.

Hopefully, when I get my trust fund money, and I've paid off my debts, I'll buy a new computer. Which is sexy. It just means that I can't sell this one until I can get it fixed. Not that I imagine I would get a lot for it. It still does what I need it to do, just can't play L2 very well.

I second the notion of Kel and her husband moving to Seattle. It's awesome to have a close girlfriend again (since I don't get to talk to my current girl type friends as often as I would like). Even if we stay up later than intended laughing hysterically over retarded in jokes. She's my new cohort in evil as far as RP go. Even if we have to go to great lengths ot make sure that the originally side NPC that she grew overly attached to is happy in the end. Sometimes I think I should write all of this stuff out. And sometimes I wait for her to do it because I gave her permission to use the storyline. Various Theatres for the win.
tokimi: (hrm?)
I was looking for BPD and DBT support communities on livejournal tonight. And I found, somewhat to my dismay, two that really stuck out.

The first, [livejournal.com profile] borderline I almost joined. Until I read the rules and saw this: "5. Put large images or triggering topics under an lj-cut tag. Triggering posts include, but are not limited to, posts about harming oneself or advice on how to self-injure." Frankly, and with the use of harsh language, it's appalling. I was pretty annoyed about it, and somewhat disgusted that a support community, of people who want to get better and all of that, would actually put "advice on how to self-injure" as an acceptable post topic. Not to mention, they don't really seem to be posting a whole lot of comments for a group of 850.

The second community, [livejournal.com profile] bpd_bdsm was something of a mild curiousity for me. I was wondering if there could possibly be a second acronym of "BDSM", but no, there's not. Read the info. It's not so much that whole thing that bothered me. I mean, lifestylers, whatever floats your boat. But there's a post on there that really struck me as wrong. I don't think it's very healthy for someone with BPD and all of its inherant problems to really be the sub in lifestyle relationship. But that's just me. Whatever works, I suppose, and if you can make it work, however messed up it sounds, good for you.

Seriously, what the hell?

Oh yah, and I updated my profile to better reflect the state of things and me.
tokimi: (duality)
So strange, LJ's birthday reminder working again. It's bizarre and... bizarre! Amazing. It's been a loooong ass time since they had last had it working so, I guess I sorta forgot about it. It likely won't help. It never helped when Semagic reminded me every night at midnight.

Life's been a bit slow in the last week or so. Been working on getting better, and I've only a very lingering cough. Otherwise, I'm hale again. Escept for the bump on my head. That was a tad annoying, but what can you do, really? It's here, it's queer, get used to it! Or something of that variety, I'm not even very sure.

Beyond getting involved on St0rm's L2 server, again, despite better judgement, nothing really has been going on. It's a little sad. Due to fighting with DSHS and my cold, I had to put off both my psych eval and my therapist appointment with Liz twice. I've seen the nurse practionier, I'm being doctor monitored for my medication again, and all of you that were worried can relax. Though, I hazard a guess that only my sister was really worried about it. Le sigh.

Stress... or at least worries have been building up. Most importantedly whenever I look at my phone bill and note that it's double what it should be because I am still paying for a second line. You know, the second line that I got because I was being nice (naive) and generous and wanted to help Stephen out with and added and got fucked over with in the end. The second line that costs $200 to break so I can restore my contract to what it was -prior- because it's technically a second contract or some shit and I have to break it and thus pay for the fee. The second line that I don't use, that he's never paid me for and that I am still paying for. It drives me crazy. I'm spending $150/mo on a stupid phone line (half of the money I get, mind you) that I don't even use. That I added because it wasn't a big deal to add when he was going to be paying for his half. But he never did, Margo got fucked and there we are.

On top of that, the other ex, Justin, who also owes me money, still hasn't. After promising to deliver in February or March. What's frustrating is that it was promised (twice? three times?) and so far, nothing. But I suppose, it's too much to expect. Stupid faith in people.

Lee's showing up on MSN but we haven't talked. I'm angry about it, still. About the whole just waltzing back online after 6-8 months like nothing had happened, offering no explainations, not bothering to set anything straight. Yeah, okay, everyone has shit going on in their life, everyone has problems and issues and crap that they have to deal with, but does that mean it's fair to just gloss on subjects like this?

I'm starting to stress out, I can feel it. I'm listless, I'm easily annoyed and agitated, I'm losing interest in hobbies... I don't know. Bad signs, bad signs. I need to speak with Liz and try to work something out, I guess. I need to purge it more, I need to get more of this frustration out, I just... don't know how at the moment.

Just trying to get through shit. Can't fall apart again.
tokimi: (vice)
My roommate Jess got me sick. I'm going to lynch her as she's the one who brought the plague to the house.

That is all for now. Time for some Nyquil and some sleep.

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Tokimi

June 2011

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